Sunday, December 26, 2010

Missing My Mum.....

I made it through Christmas.... but I have to say it was tough.


My sweet little Mum passed away two years ago today.


I missed her so much last year, but I think this year has been worse. Something about the reality of her REALLY not being here....... I know she's around me...she promised me she would be.....


Almost three months to the day before she passed away she came over and taught my daughter how to make her ever so special and YUMMMM-O rhubarb pie. We had so much fun with her... she was so feisty and funny. This picture was taken that day. I knew I wouldn't have her much longer....she was sooo sick and I wanted to commit that entire day to my memory.


When I hugged her, she realllly hugged me back. I so want to feel her hug me just one more time. See how she put her hands over mine? It's one of my favorite pictures of us together....because it reminds me how she was.... Bless her little heart.

She used to sit exactly where she is in this picture... It's the corner of the island in my kitchen.... And, I'd stand right next to her so I could be as close to her as I could get.....and she'd tell me how much she loved me....and I'd say "I love you more"....and she'd always say.... "not possible"...


I'd often call her to say I was close-by and would pop over for a cup of tea with her.....when I drove up she'd be standing in the window waiting for me..... and when I left she'd stand and watch me drive away. I can totally picture her standing there. She was just the sweetest, most precious little Mum.



Today I'm going to have a cup of tea on honor of my Mum. I'm going to toast her for being such a wonderful mother.



And, I'll probably shed some tears too.


I just feel like that.








41 comments:

  1. Precious.....I know.

    Your mummy and mine were probably cut out of the same cloth....

    My mummy would also watch me drive up, and drive off.

    When she was in bed with tubes and cancer all over her, I came to her bedside one dark night, arriving in L.A. to my childhood home, from Boston.

    The first thing she said when she saw me was, "Mijha (sweetheart in Spanish), I made something for you. It's in the closet."

    She thought only of others, even in dying.

    I opened the closet to find a crumpled up brown wrapper with a little cheapy plastic dolly, fit with a sweet little crocheted sweater and cap. She made it for me. I wept like I was 5 years old.

    They come, they give us life and then they leave us. That was 23 years ago for me; I was still too young to loose my mum. Two weeks later, my daddy passed on. Two years after that shock, my beloved Uncle Dan, who was the family patriarch, the cook of the entire clan, the life of the party, passed on too, with my gorgeous and loving auntie following. Christmas is not the same. Ruben and I have made our own magic, and that too shall pass and one of us will be left alone with all the dear memories....bittersweet is life, isn't it.......

    I am with you my friend. I too am welling up with tears here.....

    A cup of tea is in order, in YOUR HONOR my friend.

    Anita

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  2. Hi, this morning I've been visiting blogs, and I ran on his own. I felt in my heart to give him these words today after it that it feels so sad, but we do not know how you feel when we lose our loved ones. How nice to hear you share a very special love between you and your beloved mother. love is something that lasts forever, and the link between parents and children. God designed the heart of the fathers of such a special way that not even death can change that feeling so strong and big. I can argue many things, but just tell him that God is the only one who understands the pain in your heart, the one who gently comforts us and heal our wounds. I lost my grandmother who was like my mother and sometimes I feel a sense stunner for his irreparable loss, as long as you I dedicate my best thoughts and pray to the Lord for comfort and with time, this feeling has turned into a love that restores me and sometimes comforts me to know how I did it and how great was his love for me. This morning I included your name in my prayer, that God touches your heart and fill it with strength and comfort and can be the happy time to remember his beloved mother when she gave you life in all its greatest treasure His love for you. Blessings, Rose Marie

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  3. Ah Spencer, she looks like the sweetest mom ever! What a lucky girl you are, and you're memories are a wonderful tribute to her. Enjoy your day, may your memories give you peace and joy:)
    paula

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  4. Big hug coming to you virtually, Spencer! What a wonderful relationship it sounds like you had with your Mom and what a great picture of the two of you. I'm sure she wanted to touch you and hold you so she could bring that with her when she had to leave you.

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  5. Your words about your Mum are so touchingly sweet. Sending you a hug of comfort. <>

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  6. Hi Spencer, Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones. Your post made my eyes fill up with tears. Not of sadness but of all the love you have for your mother. She is so fortunate to have such a wonderful, thoughtful, and generous daughter. Peace my friend. *hugs*

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  7. So sorry for your loss Spencer, I can't imagine. It's good though that you have such great memories of her and that you relish those as you do. I hope it gets easier for you although I have not experienced a loss like that yet so I don't know that it ever will.

    Tania

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  8. Dearest Spencer~I feel that emptiness this season too. I lost Mom unexpectedly 7 years ago and this Christmas just seemed I missed her even more.Not sure why. Maybe because DIL passed away and I lost a good friend earlier this year.Lost love always leave a hole in your heart...
    Hugs...
    ~Beth

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  9. Oh Spence, I am so glad I popped over this morning to read this beautiful tribute to your mum. It has warmed me like nothing else could have today.
    I'll see you later sweetpea...I have to go call my mom now!
    love you...
    I LOVE that picture!!!!!!

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  10. I love the picture of you and your mother -two beautiful ladies . What a wonderful day you had making the pie. How nice your dtg was there to enjoy and learn The art of the rhubarb pie too!
    Blessings to you ,
    Kathy

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  11. Dear Spence,
    That picture of you and your mum really says it all. The love you both share is in the eyes. Your story about her is very touching. Warm hugs are coming your way,
    Annette

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  12. Your mum does look a very sweet lady, and I might add so do you. You both look very loving, so in saying that, your mum is in you. Does that make sense?
    You are very lucky to have had a mum like that, my mum is still with us however she is quite the different one and not easy to be around.
    Thinking of you on this day, may your memories be very happy ones.
    x Sandi

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  13. I love the picture...how special, I am so glad you have the picture to gaze on...I lost my mom at age 7...and so often wonder what our relationship would have been like as adults - mother/child. What I do know is...that a mother's love last forever and ever...and that you can count on! Thanks for sharing your heart...sending cyber hugs your way! Donna

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  14. This post made me cry because I know exactly how you feel, because I have lost my mom too, and Christmas is so hard without her!

    Much love to you Spencer and a big hug!

    Lou Cinda

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  15. Thinking of you dear... wishing you a very happy new year in 2011!

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  16. I feel teary too. I lost my sweet mom last December so one year now. I always feel my mom is with me but I'd love to touch her.

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  17. This is a time for missing our Mom's I think. What a sweet face your mother had. I hope my daughters miss me when I am gone and speak of me with so much love! What a sweet tribute this was to her and your love for her.

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  18. She was just precious! You are so blessed to have had her and to have those memories still!!!

    m ^..^

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  19. You were very lucky to have a special mom, and it is wonderful to reflect on that and to remember her with a cup of tea and few tears.

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  20. I know the grieving is hard for you Spencer but oh the wonderful memories of having a great mom..
    I'm sure she was there with you as you sipped the tea and did her best to wipe your tears..

    hugs
    Sonny

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  21. Wonderful picture and great memory!

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  22. What a sweet daughter you are! Nothing is ever the same once you lose your mother. Mine passed away 4 years ago and though each day is easier, I can tell you the second year was the most difficult. As you said I think it is the reality or finality of it...it sinks in. My mama was ill for 15 years and lived with us so I could care for her. At the end she was in a home and in the hospital most of the time. She told me one night she didn't have much longer. That broke my heart, but it also prepared me. I'll bet your Mum knew the day she came to visit you that she didn't have much longer either. God bless you and smile for your Mum so she won't worry about you. Best, Vicki

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  23. Good morning precious! YES! Rabbit Hill Cottage is taking on a new addition and it will still be as cozy as ever, but now, Ruben will have his own office in the back and our "great room" will be a stunning little getaway with FRENCH DOORS overlooking the boxwood gardens!!!! I AM SO TICKLED!

    Oh dearest, HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR! BIG HUGS TO YOU DEAR SPENCER, Anita

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  24. G'morn sweet Spencer ~ May Mum be so blessed as she sits with Jesus. I lost my Mother on Christmas Eve, H's g'ma Hepsie on Christmas day & my g'pa Bob on Christmas week ... I know your loss well during the holidays particularly. My heart goes out to you.

    What a beautiful memory of joy making your rhubarb pie with Mum. My Mother so prided herself in her rhubarb pies ...

    Treasure & bask in the beautiful moments of life & memories that you shared with one another.

    The picture of Mum & you is just adorable ... you both are so beautiful.

    A tear wells as I think of you, wish I could be there to just hug you ...

    Hugs of love, Spencer ~
    Happy New Year ~ Marydon

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  25. Hi Dear Spencer! I'm so sorry for your sad heart! Your love for your mother and her love for you shines through your post. What a special bond you had and oh, the sweet memories. I still have my sweet mother and cherish her every day.
    Be a sweetie,
    shelia ;)

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  26. I knew you had British roots because Americans do not print out MUM..they say it with an "ah" sound...so I had a peek through your blog...and I adore the Button crown. Do you mind if I make one too?

    Sorry you hurt your femur! OUch. I have been to Snohomish and those little shops are the best! Had me drooling ALL DAY.

    See ya
    Melissa

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  27. Oh what a sweet post, Spence. I love this picture. I know you miss your sweet mum but she is with you all the time as she promised. Holidays always make us emotional because we miss our dear ones. I hope you have a Happy and blessed New Year!..Christine

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  28. This post made me cry. I still have my mom, my best friend, my neighbor, my partner in crime... I can't even stand to think about a time when I don't. So sorry for your loss. Thanks for visiting.

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  29. May your New Year be filled with many Blessings and abundances of Joy for 2011. From my mountain to yours, Until next year
    Hugs and Smiles Gl♥ria

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  30. Spencer, I wanted to comment before but I was so overwhelmed with the loss, even now I am all teary.....it is so hard to lose a Mom. I miss mine so much and the holidays are the hardest.....
    I love the photo of you and your Mom, I don't have any recent ones of me and my Mom, I wish I did.....I do have a sweet little note she sent through my daughter that said to my darling daughter.....I cherish it!!! It will always be hard to know that she won't be here, but love and comfort from good friends and family and wonderful memories will get you through. I know if I was closer I would give you a big hug and we could have that cup of tea together and remember all the lovely things about our Moms that made us love them so much!!!!
    Hugs,
    Margaret B

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  31. Bless you sweet Spencer, your mom is dancing with the King today!
    How wonderful your memories are and thank you for sharing them with us, they have touched my heart today.
    Blessings
    Rebecca

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  32. What a lovely post about your Mother. Loss is so very hard and even more so around the holidays. Glad you made it through.
    Thank you for stopping by and visiting my blog.
    Have a glorious NEW YEAR!
    Cathleen

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  33. A beautiful tribute your mother. I am sorry for you loss.
    Thank you for visiting my blog.
    Wishing you a new year filled with love and happiness.
    xoxo, B

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  34. What a precious tribute to your mother...so sorry and yet what a blessing to have such a wonderful relationship with your mom, that is really a gift from God. Blessings as you have your tea in honor of her today!

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  35. Spencer
    I know this may sound peculiar but it was comforting to me to read your post and know I'm not alone feeling the same as you do, about missing our Moms. There is such a void when your mom is no longer there to share a cup of tea with, or watch them wave out the window. Please know that I share your loss and send you a big hug! Love,Lori

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  36. I know how much you miss your sweet Mum. I miss my Daddy too. Let's honor their memories by being the best girls we can be, until we meet them again. I'm sending you my best wishes for a Happy and Healthy New Year!!

    Love,
    Susan and Bentley
    xxoo

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  37. Hello dear Spencer.
    Everytime I come to your blog, I see your mom's picture on your side bar and know how much you love her. Now I see a picture of you next to her and my heart just grew bigger.
    You were so blessed to have such a wonderful mother who loved you the way you love your daughter and little man, comes from her.
    You are beautiful.
    Happy New Year my dear friend Spenc.
    Love You
    Love Me
    xoxoxoxo

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  38. Spence, I can barely see to type through my tears, but I want you toknow I'm sending you big hugs over the miles. I'm so sorry you've been sad, and I loved seeing the pic of you with your mother. It is just precious, and I am so thankful that it is not going to be the last time you two will get to say, "I love you moew." "Impossible!" to each other. While it might be a while, I know that day is coming just as I know that my name is Sheila, and I rejoice that you two WILL be reunited forever. What a blessing! What a mighty God we serve! So feel free to cry because even Jesus wept, but the Good News is that we don't cry as those who have no hope because our hope rests on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. Hallelujah! Makes me want to do a Happy Dance. If you could only see me in my garrish pink plaid flannel pajamas with my eggbeater hair, you would get a scary visual of that. LOL!

    Love you BUNCHES>>>>

    XO,

    Sheila :-)

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  39. What a lovely story about your Mum. She certainly raised a sensitive and thoughtful daughter! I think your Mum's generation was truly "the Greatest Generation", having lived through the depression and WWII. I will miss my folks so much when they leave me.....

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Sweet and dear little Chickies....thank you so much for your comments. I read each and every one. I always try to make a return visit........sometimes I fail miserably... but you're alllll soooo special to me!

Many, many hugs!
Spencer